Domestic Abuse and Violence Problems

1. Depression. There are several basic causes for depression, but one is childhood physical or emotional abuse. Abused children feel unloved, unworthy, angry and guilty. All of these emotions can create lasting depression unless they are faced and resolved.

2. Difficulty with intimate relationships. Since abusers are often parents or others who should love and protect, abuse seriously undermines a person's capacity to trust and feel safe in close relationships. Children who are abused may in adulthood, become attracted to abusive mates and have difficulty accepting love and caring, even from their spouses. Such unions perpetuate violence.

3. Extreme anger. One result of traumatic incidents is hostility and extreme anger. The person who has been victimized is usually angry at the person who caused the violence. But it doesn't end there. He may be angry at all people who are the same sex as the abuser. In other words, if a woman was abused by her father or uncle when she was growing up, her anger often generalizes to all males. Abused children may also be angry at the parent who failed to protect him from the abuser. And finally, abused people are often angry at themselves as though they were somehow to blame.

4. Spiritual devastation. When counseling with people who have suffered from violence, I have noticed that in most cases the victims have been shattered spiritually. They nearly always ask, "Why did God permit this? Why did He let this happen to me or to my children?" They have believed that since God is a good God, that He would never let them become abused and suffer such pain. But somehow it happened. So they often blame God and are no longer interested in church, or anything of a spiritual nature.

5. Devastating guilt. One of the things that our Attorney General's Committee on Violence and Abuse noticed was the terrible pattern of guilt which people developed after having been victimized. Interestingly enough, most victims blame themselves more than they blame their perpetrators. They feel that somehow they must have caused the perpetrator to do what he did. They may also erroneously believe that God doesn't forgive such behavior. So they carry devastating guilt for years.

6. Inability to perform well on the job. Since abuse is often perpetrated by a person in authority, one of the places where a person can be affected is the workplace. Abused people may either become passive and dependent, cut off and isolated, or suspicious and resentful of all people in authority. They can also be envious or jealous of their peers and co-workers.

7. Suicidal tendencies. Sometimes feelings of guilt and depression are so severe that the victim feels like the only way out is to end his or her life. Some abused wives think this is the only way they can get away from their abuser. They may also feel that suicide will prevent them from having to tell anyone, especially family members.

8. Extreme fears and phobias. When a person has been violated, it is only natural to develop extreme apprehension. This may last for years and become a generalized fear.